Monday, December 27, 2004

Application

Here's this application that I filled out for this community or wantnot...

Application


Basics
Name: Jessica
Age: 17
Gender: Female
State: Texas

Say what you think about the following: (at least one line)


Abortion: I think that pro-choice is the way to go. Most people argue Biblical reasons for condemning abortion, but we need to move past the dark ages and into the light.
Eating Disorders: They suck a whole lot. Anorexia is not fun, especially when you lose 60 lbs in three months.
Same Sex marriage: ROCK ON! Hell yeah, I want it legal.
Drugs: Very Bad. Except when given by a doctor and taken at the recommended dosage.
Alcohol: NOT GOOD. What more can I say. It’s bad, and it ruins peoples lives. It makes you do dumb things.
Love: Too complicated for one sentese to cover. The most intese emotion ever experienced.
What would you do if you were a member of the opposite sex?: Pee standing up.



Pick a random subject and write at least two to three reasonably length sentences on it.
Music as an aphrodisiac.


Have you ever been out dancing and you didn’t really like who was next to you all that much but your favorite song came on and BAM! There you were attracted to this person, rubbing yourself all over them and just thrashing to the music… Aphrodisiac. Also, it can become a thousand times more sensual when you have some soft music playing in the back ground.

What’s your fav:
band: Blue October
food: Ice Cream
Drink: Water
word: Kerfloopey
Color: Green
flavor: Strawberry
subject: English
movie: Kissing Jessica Stein
book: A Time for Dancing

what is the first thing that come to mind when you hear:
water: Shower
rain: Swimming
orange: Sunset
sex: Yum
Food: Hungry
pleasure: Yes, please?
holiday: hate ‘em.
blood: vampires
world domination: Bush


Random questions

think of at least 10 adj. that you think describe you: perky, funny, loud, sweet, complicated, bouncy, mellow, creative, kind, loving.
What is the craziest thing you have ever done? I stole a road sign one night with my friends.
What is the stupidest thing you have ever done? Got drunk and slept with my best friend’s boyfriend’s twin sister.


Saturday, December 25, 2004

Something Stumbled...

I stumbled across this when I was clearing my hard drive. It made me laugh...


Dear Muse,

Your attention span is much like that of a gnat. Or, more so like that of a crack baby. You float, or flit more like it, aimlessly from topic to topic, and have I mentioned to you lately that you are such a slut? Seriously, Dearie. I know that girls are pretty, and we do love to make them love us, but that can wait can’t it?

I know you are lonely. I feel it too. I know you want to go and find us something warm to snuggle, but can’t it wait? There is all of this lovely writing we have to be doing right now. You know, that project you have had me working on for a year now. Yes, that one.

You just stopped, Musie. I need you and can’t do this without you. Stop being such a slut. We will find us a pretty girl soonish. College is right around the corner and everything will be all right then. You have my word.

Sincerely,
Jessica

MEMEMEMEME

Here's a 'MEME'

****


THREE SCREEN NAMES YOU HAVE HAD (OTHER THAN THIS ONE):
1. Texas_girlie
2. witchyxwoman
3. beautifultagedy

THREE THINGS YOU LIKE ABOUT YOURSELF:
1. I have a very nice butt.
2. I’m extremely perky most of the time.
3. I take charge and control my own fate.

THREE THINGS YOU HATE ABOUT YOURSELF:
1. My constant fear of abandonment.
2. The need I have to put everyone before myself.
3. The fact that I escape from unhappy reality too much.

THREE PARTS OF YOUR HERITAGE:
1. Southern
2. Texan
3. Georgian (person from Georgia)

THREE THINGS THAT SCARE YOU:
1. Clowns
2. Girls – they intimidate me at least.
3. Being alone.

THREE OF YOUR EVERYDAY ESSENTIALS:
1. Music!
2. Friends.
3. Kisses – I’m a needy girl.

THREE THINGS YOU ARE WEARING RIGHT NOW:
1. Care bear panties.
2. Warm socks.
3. New pink bra!

THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE BANDS OR ARTISTS AT THE MOMENT:
1. Alien Ant Farm
2. Le Tigre
3. Vanessa Carlton

THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE SONGS AT PRESENT:
1. "Who’s to say" by Vanessa Carlton
2. "Broken" by Seether and Amy Lee
3. "Calling You" by Blue October

THREE NEW THINGS YOU WANT TO TRY IN THE NEXT 12 MONTHS
1. Holding a steady job that pays well.
2. Driving… yeep!
3. Making decisions based on necessity, not entertainment.

THREE THINGS YOU WANT IN A RELATIONSHIP (Love is a given):
1. Trust.
2. TIME.
3. Sincerity.

TWO TRUTHS AND A LIE :
1. My toes are painted silver with green and hot pink polka dots.
2. My best friend has a birthmark in the shape of a Christmas tree on her left butt cheek.
3. I’ve never seen snow.

THREE PHYSICAL THINGS ABOUT THE OPPOSITE SEX (OR SAME SEX) THAT APPEAL TO YOU:
1. Strawberry Lip Gloss
2. They always smell soooo good…
3. I absolutely melt when I see them ‘bam-pow’ hips.

THREE THINGS YOU JUST CAN'T DO:
1. Pee standing up, it doesn’t work that way!
2. Ski, I yard sale.
3. Math. I’m a words gal.

THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE HOBBIES:
1. Writing.
2. Dancing.
3. Music – playing it.

THREE THINGS YOU WANT TO DO REALLY BADLY RIGHT NOW:
1. Eat some cookie dough.
2. Write on my stuff…
3. Get accepted to Brown University?

THREE CAREERS YOU'RE CONSIDERING:
1. Medical Examiner.
2. Dental Hygienist.
3. Oncologist (cancer doctor).

THREE PLACES YOU WANT TO GO ON VACATION:
1. Rome.
2. Greece.
3. Egypt.

THREE KID'S NAMES
1. Eden Renee
2. Autumn Greenlee
3. Alai Cortney

THREE THINGS YOU WANT TO DO BEFORE YOU DIE:
1. Find a cure for cancer
2. Get married and have children.
3. Have just one good Christmas.

THREE PEOPLE WHO HAVE TO TAKE THIS QUIZ NOW:
1. The LizMonster!
2. Scary
3. Someone from BLOGEXPLOSION

Friday, December 24, 2004

Happy Christmas Eve

It's Christmas eve day here in Texas (I'm sure it is the same every where else as well.) and I'm waking up to Bill Collectors calling for my Dad. Ain't Holidays grand?

It's around 9:30 in the AM, and all I want to do is go back to bed.

So, I've never been a Christmas girl. I've always hated it because the things in my past where dark, dank, and loved to torture me around the Holidays. This is the first Christmas that doesn't have the threat of disaster hanging over my head and I'm terrified.

I just know that something bad will happen, I will get a six hour lecture from my Aunt that I don't do SOMETHING right, or how I am just like my mother. Ugh.

But, on a much lighter note, I have a mystery present from THE BOY. He absolutely WILL NOT tell me what it is. I'm dying to know. I guess I'll find out tomorrow... Or tonight! Depends on if my pout is working.

All I have to do is stick out that lower lip and THE BOY falls. It's kind of nice. He treats me like a princess and... We'll see.

Complete different subject: The song by the Killers, 'Somebody Told Me' is great to dance to. *sigh*

It's kind of hard to get into the Christmas spirit around here! I've got so much other going on... Money issues that are so far beyond how are the bills going to get payed next month. And, my Grandmother gave me $200 dollars for Christmas, but I spent it on other people so they would have presents from me. My love life is complicated, to say the least.

Avoiding phone calls is not something I'm proud of, but it's better than hurting someone's feelings. She's a sweet girl, really. Just, not my type. REALLY not my type. And then there's the Cheerleader. Ugh, we won't go there, I'm just a toy to her when we talk. But, hey, every one likes to be played with some times. Then, the kinda-sorta girl. We were kinda-sorta dating. But long distance relationships are hard. And she's been wroking like crazy these last few days - like 15 hour shifts with 5 hours of sleep. Of course, we have THE BOY. As awful as this sounds to my gayness, He's my favorite. I have been friends with this guy since we were like, 7! I tell him everything, because he is my best friend. Has been for YEARS! He makes me warm and comfortable (emotional feeling type warm and comfortable). Which is more than I can say for the others. So, I've got crazyness happening in that department. But the worst thing...

The one I want? Doesn't want me... Yeah. We always want what we can't have, isn't that right? Well, damn. I hate it when cliches are right. She is happily committed to a brat girl who I can't stand, but won't say anything because I'm spineless. So, yuck. Grr. Ugh. And other various noises.

Merry Christmas if I don't get back to the computer tmorrow.


Toodles.

Wednesday, December 22, 2004

Confessional

Are you proud?
Do you embrace your guilt?
I bet that makes you feel better,
To mourn the loss you created.
Do you know what won’t leave my mind?
The memory of us lying in the dark,
entangled
.
Your eyes find mine, and it's all over for me.
I've allowed you to puncture my
soul,
But I'd rather die than give you a piece of it.


*~*^*~*^*~*^*~*^*~*^*~*^*~*^*~*^*~*


We all hurt sometimes. We all bleed a little when the moment comes. A moment of truth – the moment that leaves you breathless with its honesty. Your world might crumble, but in the end it rights itself. The pain you feel when the truth is revealed only lasts as long as it takes for the next lie to present itself to you.

A perfect love
Is perfect lies
.


Sunday, December 19, 2004

eat your heart out...

Have you ever just sat in front of your computer screen and the only words that seem to truly WANT to come from your finger tips are 'fuck' and 'you'?

Seriously, that is all I want to type right now. A big ol' FUCK YOU to any and all who want to ruin my life. So, I might be a little different than some. So, I might have a few more kinks in my brian than most. So, I'm a little hard to figure out at first. So WHAT?!

I still breathe. I still have feelings like a normal person. Being gay is just my sexuality, not my PERSONALITY! Who has the right to condemn other the God Almighty? NO ONE! So, FUCK OFF!

I don't condemn others for their choices and/or actions, why should I be condemned for mine? Love, life, it's all realative, right? No one has all teh answers, nor will they ever get all teh answers.

So, to put things in a nutshell - I'm gay, I like it, stop condemning me, and fuck you.

Saturday, December 18, 2004

Beautiful Dreamer: Chapter Four Part Two

OoOo, I feel accomplished! I promised more soon and here it is. More of Chapter Four!



******

Annabel rolls over, her arms raising high over her head as she stretches. Unconsciously, she smiles as her thoughts drift toward what might happen today. She casts a glance at the clock before deciding that a shower is definitely on the list of upcoming activities. She lets out a small groan as she stops stretching and swings her legs out of the warm bed.

After she is through showering and pulling her clothes on, a knock sounds at the door. “Come in,” she calls out, her top more than half way buttoned.

“You look nice today,” Helen’s voice comments from behind Annabel. The woman walks up and helps Annabel fasten her necklace asking, “Do you have plans with someone?”

Annabel shrugs slightly, “Not really, Helen.” She offers the woman a shy smile and tells her, “Thank you.”

Helen nods, “I was just asking because your blouse and skirt are very dressy. I thought maybe Jesse was taking you out for lunch?” The woman tugs at Annabel's green and blue spastic striped, silk, button up shirt that goes well with the ruffled black skirt that comes down about three inches above her knees.

Annabel shakes her head, “No ma’am. I m-might meet my friends and g-go shopping later?” She eyes the woman curiously. “Why?”

Helen shrugs, “No reason.” She turns to leave but pauses at the doorway. “Since you don’t have plans, could you take Hunter with you when you leave? Torii and Kelly just adore him, and won’t mind if he tags along.”

Annabel frowns, “Of course I can t-t-take him. Are you going s-somewhere?” Just then Hunter rushes by the door his toy airplane in his hand. The noise he is making could be described as an engine noise, but it is more loud and annoying than anything else.

“He’s full of energy today, and I just can’t take it anymore,” Helen tells her honestly.

“We’re is D-dad,” Annabel asks her, becoming annoyed once again with her stepmother.

“He flew out this morning for some business in LA.”

Annabel nods, “I’ll take the munchkin, Helen.” She shakes her head and mumbles, “He could have at least told me he was leaving so soon.”

Helen sighs, “He promised to make it up to you, although I don’t know why. You are very ungrateful for everything he does for you.”

Annabel looks at Helen, “I’m n-n-not in the m-mood for this, Helen. We can f-fight some other time.” She brushes past the woman and calls out down the hall, “Hey MONSTER! We’re leaving!”

Hunter comes running up behind her, “Where are we going Annie?” He latches onto her side for a second before breaking off. “I love you.”

Annabel smiles, “I love you, too, kiddo.” She sees that Hunter is wearing a sweater and slacks. She leads him back to his room. “Lets get you into some play clothes, okay?”

Hunter’s blue eyes widen. “Are we going to the park?” When Annabel nods he hugs her again. “Really?” Annabel smiles at him and pulls out an old shirt and jeans.

“Get dressed before I change my mind,” Annabel teases him. While Hunter is changing clothes she calls Riley. “Good Morning,” she says, smiling into her phone.

Riley has been waiting for this call for what seems like an eternity. “Hey, Social! You just now waking up?”

Annabel laughs as she looks at Hunter’s clock. “I wish I could sleep until eleven. I’ve been up for a while, but I called when I was r-r-ready to leave my place.” She pauses before saying, “My plans have changed slightly, though.”

Riley tries to keep the disappointment out of her voice when she replies, “Oh, that’s cool, Social.”

Annabel can still hear the disappointment and it makes her feel weird, but in a good way. “W-would you m-mind if my little brother hung o-out with us today?”

Riley's jaw drops a little, “You mean, you still want to do something?”

Annabel laughs, “Of course! My stepmom just wants a break from Hunter. I thought we could hang out at the park for a while and then, maybe go shopping?”

Riley grins, “Whatever your heart desires, Social. You want to meet at the park, or me to come by and pick you up?”

Annabel sees that Hunter is almost dressed and tells Riley, “We’ll meet you there, okay? Same p-p-place we were l-last time.” She helps Hunter up off the floor and leads him out of the apartment.

Riley grabs her jacket, “I’m already there.” She disconnects and bounces excitedly out of the door calling a hasty goodbye to her aunt. “Be back soon!”

*************

“I can’t meet you at B-Bergdorf’s,” Annabel says into her phone as she watches Hunter go running straight for the slide. “Why,” she repeats. “Because I’m at the part with Hunter.” She shakes her head, “No, I’m not being p-punished. I promised him we’d go. It’s fine, really. We’ll g-go shopping some other time, I promise.” She feels a pair of hand squeeze her side and she jumps, letting out a small squeal. “Eeeh!” She whirls around to see Riley with a very amused look on her face. “No, I’m fine Tor. Just saw a b-b-bug. Yeah, we’ll make plans for tomorrow. Toodles.”

Riley smiles and places a quick kiss on Annabel's cheek, “Hola, Princess.” She doesn’t hear Annabel's blushing response because Hunter runs up and nearly tackles her at the knees.

“You actually came?” He is excited and begins pulling her off to the swings. “Annie gets tired ‘cause she’s sickly, but I bet you can swing with me!”

Annabel smiles as she watches Riley being pulled helplessly. She follows behind them and sighs as Riley sits down in the swing next to Hunter and pushes off. “Remember what I taught you,” Annabel calls out to him and her smile grows as Hunter gets moving all on his own.

“I’m doing it,” he squeals, looking over at Riley. “See? Annie showed me the last time we were here.”

Riley nods, “You’re doing great, little guy.” She flashes a smile at Annabel and mouths, ‘He’s a cutie!’ Annabel grins at her new friend and finds herself sitting in the swing next to Riley. When she doesn’t start swinging, Riley asks, “What’s the matter, Social? Afraid that your skirt will fly up and show off your frilly panties?”

Annabel teases her, “You look at my panties often?”

Riley blushes deeply and stammers, “Um, no. I haven’t been – wait. You were teasing me.”

Annabel nods and tells Riley, “I’m just comfortable sitting here.”

Riley considers that the truth and continues swinging, going higher and higher with each thrust. Hunter slows down and tells the girls, “I’m gonna go play on the jungle gym.”

Annabel calls after him, “Be careful!”

Riley smiles as she watches Annabel sitting next to her. After a minute she asks the blonde, “When you were little did you come to the park a lot?” When Annabel nods Riley continues, “Did you swing?”

Annabel shrugs, “Every little kid swings, right?”

Riley grins, “Something like that.” She pushes extra hard and flies that much higher. “Well, did you ever jump out when you reached the top?”

Annabel shakes her head, “Never. I was too scared.” After a beat, “What about you?”

Riley laughs, “I was scared of nothing when I was younger. I knew that no matter what came along, I could face it and beat it.”

Annabel grins, “I wish I could have been more like that.” She keeps her eyes on Riley, watching the beautiful girl float back and forth in front of her. “Are you still as f-fearless?”

Riley blushes a little and quietly tells Annabel, “No.”

Annabel debates whether or not to push the issue, and her curiosity wins. “What are you scared of?”

Riley shakes looks back at Annabel their eyes meeting briefly. “You.” Annabel's eyes widen as she stares at the girl swinging in front of her.

She whispers too low for Riley to hear, “You scare me, too.”

Riley calls out, “Should I jump?” Without waiting for a response Riley lets go of the swing with her hands and sores into the sky. Annabel jumps up, frightened that Riley will hurt herself. “Be careful,” she yells, too late to stop Riley.

Riley lands on her feet, a little out of breath. She smiles as she turns back to face Annabel. “Swinging is kind of like life, Princess. Sometimes you just have to jump, even if you’re scared. Because, you know that if you stay in that swing for another second you’ll be stuck there… and who wants to be stuck in a swing that isn’t going anywhere?” Riley sighs, mad at her philosophical side for coming out.

Annabel bites her lower lip before whispering, “Can you teach me?” Riley cocks her head at Annabel, unsure of what to say. Annabel continues, “I don’t want to be stuck, Riley. Teach me to jump?”

Riley offers Annabel a winning smile, “I’ll teach you anything you want to learn.”

**********

“Where to now, kid?” Riley reaches over and messes with Hunter’s hair. She smiles at Annabel sitting on Hunter’s other side on the bench before returning her attention to the boy.

He smiles, “I’m not going home?” Riley looks to Annabel who shakes her head and she does the same. “We can do what I want?”

Annabel gives Hunter a small kiss on the top of his head, “We sure can, Hunter.” She looks at Riley and mouths, ‘Thank you.’

Riley shrugs, “I like they guy, what can I say?”

Hunter blushes and asks Riley, “You like me?”

Riley tells him, “I most certainly do.”

The little boy beams and tugs at Annabel's sleeve, “She likes me!”

Annabel laughs at his enthusiasm. “Where are we going?” She looks at her cell phone and announces, “It is nearly 2 o’clock.”

Hunter frowns, “What can we do?” He looks at Riley, “What do you wanna do?”

Riley shrugs, “Whatever you want to do, Bud.” She smiles as the child wrinkles his forehead in thought. “Don’t hurt yourself tryin’ to think,” she tells him, playfully.

He looks up at Annabel and asks, “Is that why your head hurts so much, Annie? ‘Cause you’re thinking too hard?”

Annabel shakes her head, “No, Hunter. I don’t think that’s it.”

He nods, “Okay. Maybe we should ask Uncle Keith about it?”

Annabel smiles, “Next time I go, I’ll be sure to ask him for you.” Riley is lost and casts a questioning glance at Annabel who ignores it. “How about a movie,” the blonde suggests to move the conversation along.

Hunter smiles, “My pick?”

Annabel looks at Riley who nods and tells him, “Go for it, Hunter. I’ll watch whatever you want to watch.” Annabel stands up, tugging Hunter along with her. Riley moves to take the boy’s other hand and tells the two, “I’ll get us a cab.”

“Picture of the happy family,” a Brooklyn voice calls out as they begin departing. Riley turns around and sees a man with a camera pointed their way.

“No thank y--.” Riley starts to protest, but Annabel stopped her.

“We’d love one!” She scooped Hunter up in her arms and moved closer to Riley.

“This guy is just ripping us off,” Riley mutters to Annabel who ignores her.

“Say cheese on three. One. Two. Three.”

A chorus of “Cheese” erupts from Annabel and Hunter.” Riley reluctantly adds, “Cheese.”

The man snaps the picture and within seconds the picture floats out of the camera. Annabel smiles and steps up to him, setting Hunter down. “That’ll be 5 bucks, lady.”

Annabel smiles kindly and hands the man a twenty. “Keep the change, all right?” She takes the photo from him and places a kind hand on his arm. “And thanks.”

“Man,” Riley comments when Annabel returns to her and Hunter. “Why’d you give him a twenty? It’s not even a good picture.”

Annabel shrugs, “He’s just trying to make a living so he can eat, Riley.” She looks down at the picture which has finally developed. “And I think it’s a very good picture.”

Hunter tugs at her arm, “I wanna see!” Annabel hands him the picture and he smiles. “Can I keep it?” Annabel nods and they begin walking to the sidewalk.

Riley is still worried about how naive Annabel seems. “Sometimes you are just too nice, Social. One of these days you’re going to be nice to the wrong person and they’ll take advantage of you.”

Annabel is feeling feisty and asks Riley, “What if I want to be taken advantage of?” Riley raises her eyebrows and is about to respond when Hunter chimes in.

“What does ‘taken advantage of mean’?”

Annabel frowns and tries to explain to him. “Well, it can mean a lot of things, but m-m-mostly it means that when you are nice to s-someone they make you be nice to them and they are mean to you.”

Hunter frowns, “Why would you want someone to be mean to you?”

Annabel sighs, “I didn’t mean it like that, Hunter.”

Riley touches her elbow softly, “How did you mean it?” Annabel shakes her head and tries to send to Riley, ‘Not now!’ Unfortunately her telepathic powers are nonexistent so she settles for hailing them a cab.

************

Perfect Met Poetry

Well, guys. I'm working heard on the next installment of Beautiful Dreamer - I should have it up before today is over! But in between is a brand spaking new poem I wrote. I like this one best of all. Just 'cause it rhymes. A lot.



Perfect met
With perfect eyes
And saw a love
In perfect guise.
Perfect words
Built perfect ties
A perfect rush
With perfect highs.
Perfect passion
And feelings rise
A perfect spell
To hypnotize.
Perfect youths
Thought it wise
Lost themselves
In perfect sighs.
A perfect danger
Broke perfect guise
A perfect love
Is perfect lies.
A perfect tear
From perfect eyes
Tore an angel
From perfect skies.
A perfect beauty
Does love, despise
For perfect was not
A perfect disguise.
A broken heart
Of perfect size
Found the truth
That perfect dies



Beautiful Dreamer : Chapter Four


I'm sorry for not updating more on this whole thing... Writing is becoming harder to do with teh Holdiays getting closer. But, I'll try and make up for it, I promise! Enjoy it in all of it's flaws...





Once alone, Annabel thinks about her conversation with Malachi.

‘Those girls are just jealous that Riley has a new girl,’ Mally had said to her.

Annabel had raised her eyebrows in response and asked, ‘Me?’ After Mally had nodded Annabel asked, ‘Like a g-g-girlfriend, g-girl? Because I’m n-n-n-not.’ Her face blushed a deep deep red.

Mally laughed, ‘I don’t suppose titles are all that important, but I see the way she looks at you. Hell, if I had the mind of the boy I am, I’d be all over you like white on rice. But I’m about as gay they get, honey. We have to stick together you know?’

Annabel had blushed even further and she started to protest what Malachi was suggesting about her and Riley but he stopped her, ‘Let’s talk about music…’

Annabel smiles at the memory. Malachi had told her all of Riley’s favorite artists and she found out that the two actually had a lot in common. She lets her thoughts wander around Riley, the beautiful tint of her skin. Riley’s dark hair and soft lips… ‘Wait, how do I know her lips are soft,’ Annabel asks herself during the mini-day dream.

Annabel snaps back to reality as her cell phone rings. “Hello,” She says, answering it quickly.

“Where are you, babe,” Torii’s voice comes across the line, “We’ve been looking everywhere for you.”

Annabel sighs, “I’m in a c-c-cab g-going home.”

Torii relays the message top the others apparently with her and tells Annie, “Change course and meet us for coffee and dinner.”

Annabel commands the cab driver to take her to a new address and she is on her way to meet her friends. Once at the small coffee shop she steadies herself for a long night. She walks into the shop, her mask falling back into place.

“H-hey,” she calls out, greeting her friends cheerfully.

“It’s about time, Annie,” Kelly tells her playfully, “I looked for you after Calculus, but you had disappeared.”

Annabel shrugs, “I, um, h-had to g-get my art s-stuff,” she gestures to her duffel and offers them an innocent smile.

Torii rolls her eyes, “Yeah, and that took you four hours?”

Annabel shook her head, “I decided t-t-to go look for s-some music afterwards. N-needed some t-time to myself.” She sits down with her two best friends, hoping they decide to leave it alone.

“Oh. My. God,” Kelly breathes as she eyes a tall boy with blonde curly hair walking by.

Torii elbows her, “He’s mine, Kel. You have Mikey-boy.” Annabel watches her friend with an amused look on her face. Torii moves from the table and toward the boy. As she follows him Annabel notices him walking toward a girl with a smile on her face.

She whips out her phone and quickly text messages Torii saying, ‘Abort! GF at 2:00!’ Torii reads it and frowns, walking coolly past the couple and toward the bathrooms. When she is out of sight, Kelly giggles happily.

Annabel joins her and when Torii walks out of the bathroom they both point at her. “Brick,” Kelly hollers out for the whole place to hear and Torii walks up to her with a fake smile on her face.

Kelly sighs and takes Torii’s cup, “I’ll get you some more coffee if you wipe that look off your face.” Torii’s face turns instantly natural.

She blows a kiss at Kelly’s retreating form and calls out, “Thanks Doll!” Torii turns to Annabel, “thanks for saving me.”

Annabel shrugs, “Well, you h-hate making a fool of y-yourself.” She picks up Kelly’s drink and takes a small sip, grimacing as she does. “Why do you two drink this stuff?”

Torii laughs quietly, “I know you hate it, Annie.” When she sees Kelly walking back she grins, “I’ll go and get you some water.”

Annabel protests, “I can get it myself, Tor. I’m not helpless, you know?”

Torii waves her down, “I know you aren’t helpless, Annie… but I also know to figure out where you’ve been and who you’ve been with, I need to butter you up some!” She winks and saunters off to the counter. Annabel shakes her head at Torii’s honesty.

Kelly passes Torii and asks, “Where to?” Torii smiles but doesn’t answer, so Kelly must ask Annabel when she sits back down. “And she went where?”

Annabel shrugs, “To get me some water. A-apparently, she w-w-wants to know where I’ve been.” Annabel looks down at her fingernails, picking at the cuticle. “We need to get manicures,” she whispers to Kelly, a tid bit distracted.

Kelly nods in agreement. “What about tomorrow? Finals are done with and we have complete freedom. Your art classes don’t start for another week, Annie.” She offers her blonde friend a big smile, “Unless you have plans with some mysterious boy that you blew us off for after Calculus today.”

Annabel blushes, but laughs loudly, her whole face lighting up. “No, Kel. No boys that I am d-d-ditching you for.”

“Are you sure? I haven’t seen you this smiley in a while.” Kelly nudges Annabel with her foot.

Annabel shakes her head, “N-no guy, I swear it.”

Kelly rolls her eyes, “C’mon. Best friends forever, Annie! Who’s the dish?” Annabel doesn’t respond. “Who were you with,” kelly asks, prodding.

Annabel narrows her eyes, “No guy!” Kelly starts to add something but Annabel tells her, “No more questions. Drop it Kelly.” Kelly wordlessly nods.

Torii shows up right behind Annabel and asks, “We hungry, ladies?” Kelly smiles gratefully.

Annabel nods, “We certainly are.”


***********


“Dammit,” Riley says as she chunks her bag down on the ground. She rips the note off of the door and thrusts it open. “Tia,” she yells out. Her aunt appears in the hallway. “Did Kaye come inside when she stopped by?”

The woman shakes her head, “I didn’t even know she was here, Mate.” Riley nods and crumples the note, grabbing her bag from the doorway and jerking it in. “What is the matter?”

Riley shrugs and mutters, “Nothing Rosa.” She lets her bag fall to the floor as she stalks off to her bedroom.

“Now, don’t you walk away from me like that,” Rosa yells after her. Riley stops in her tracks and waits for Rosa to say something. “What did Kaye say in her note?”

Riley rolls her eyes, “Nothing much. She’s just being cranky at me is all.”

Rosa walks towards Riley offering a compassionate smile, “That still doesn’t answer my question.”

Riley uncrumples the note and tells Rosa, “She wrote: When you decide to come back to our world, give me a call. Until then, have fun playing make-believe.” Riley makes a face and flings the piece of paper across the room angrily.

Rosa’s eyes grow wide, “Playing make-believe? You want to tell me what that means, chica?” She gestures to the couch and Riley sits down.

“It’s absolutely ridiculous is what it is, Tia!” She begins talking with her hands, her emotions animating her. “I just made a new friend from school, and I had brought her to the music store. She was with me and Mally had the CD that I wanted on hold for me and…” Her voice trails off and she looks sheepishly at her aunt. “It might have been a bad idea to bring the Social there but I thinks she’s different from the others.”

Rosa nods, trying to comprehend. “A Social? You tried to bring one of them into our world?”

Riley groans, “Just because she has money doesn’t make her a bad person, Tia! So what if she probably has a thousand Jimmy Choos that cost more than our apartment! So what if she spends her weekends going to benefits that we could never think about going to because the tables cost a thousand dollars! You always told me to not judge a book by it’s cover and while Annabel might look like a Social on the outside she’s not like the others on the inside.”

Rosa frowns as she looks down at her niece. “How is she like?”

Riley smiles, “She’s amazing! She has the cutest little nose and stunning white blonde hair. She is shy and quiet and she paints just as well as I do. We had lunch together after finals today and it was very comfortable.”

Rosa laughs at Riley’s enthusiasm. “Calm down, dear! I’m sure this girl is all that and more, but you really must stop bouncing.” She reaches over and points at Riley’s hand. “She gave you her number?”

Riley beams proudly, “Yes ma’am! We’re going out again tomorrow.”

Rosa nods, “I get to meet her?” When Riley rolls her eyes Rosa continues, “She might not be the type of girl I want you hanging around with Riley. She might be a bad influence if she’s the Social you make her out to be.”

Riley sighs softly, “You’ll love her, Tia.”

**********

It was well after midnight before Annabel got home from dinner with Torii and Kelly. She is just climbing into bed when she feels her phone buzz slightly. She looked down at it wondering who could be sending her a text message so late at night.

‘Call me when you wake up in the morning. Riley.’

Annabel grins as she pushes send twice, her instinct is to call Riley now. When a surprised Latina answers the phone Annabel tells her, “Guess who.”

“Social,” Riley says, a smile evident in her voice. “I didn’t think you would be up.”

Annabel chuckles softly, “I j-just got in from dinner with K-kelly.” She can not help but be glad to talk to Riley.

Riley teases her, “Kelly, huh? She someone.. close to you?”

Annabel doesn’t take the bait and informs Riley, “Kelly has been my best friend since first grade! Torii was there, too, and I’ve been friends with her since we were three.”

Riley thinks for a second and asks, “Torii van Masters and Kelly Worthinghouse?”

Annabel nods, even though Riley can’t see her, then she rolls her eyes and replies, “The very same. Why? Do you know them?” After a beat when Riley hasn’t answered, Annabel tells her, “It’s all right. There is n-n-nothing I haven’t heard about us.”

Riley sighs, “I’ve heard of them, you know? Annie Stevens, Torii van Masters, and Kelly Worthinghouse. You guys are legendary and pretty much loved and hated by the same people.”

Annabel laughs, “I know, right? I’m s-s-sure that I’m e-evil or s-something. I guess that’s why I have s-so many friends.”

Riley quickly tells her, “You have me, don’t you?”

Annabel blushes as she feels a small warmth come across her stomach. “I certainly do.” She tries to hide the yawn coming from her mouth, but is unsuccessful. Her head is starting to hurt her and she realizes that she hasn’t taken her medicine for the night. “It’s past my bedtime, Riley,” she whispers softly, not really wanting to go.

Riley lets out a quiet, mimicking yawn. “Mine, too, Social. Call me when you get up and going. We’ll make some kind of plans, okay?”

Annabel sighs happily, “Sho’ ‘nuff!”

Riley raises her eyebrows, “When did you learn to speak ebonics?”

Annabel teases her, “There are many things you don’t know about me Miss Fernandez.”

“Goodnight, bonita,” Riley tells her. “I look forward to figuring out all your secrets.”

Annabel blushes. She whispers almost inaudible, “Goodnight.” When she has disconnected her vocal cords work again and she continues, “And I look forward to telling you.”


Thursday, December 16, 2004

Dancing 'Round

Thrash you body in time to the music. Never let it fade. The beat is a pulse within your soul, unlike that of your heart, it takes you deeper than you've ever been before. You can't stop moving, the force that drives you takes you along. It's in your veins. Deep within, you can't stop it, you can't get rid of it.

No matter what they say, it's primal. The feelings within are there all the time, lurking just under the skin. In your soul, everywhere. Twirl, twist - feel the beat and let it flow. Always, never ending. You can't stop it. And the best part - you don't want to.

Wednesday, December 15, 2004

Late Nights, Early Mornings

It's getting late here and I'm no better off than when this night started. I fear the morning shall come all too soon. Bringing with it the absence of dreams and the harsh light of day that will tear me from my nightly fantasies of a happy life.

Who knows what is going on in my head... Maybe I should just give up the whole gay thing and try for the straight thing. There's a sweet, kind, gentle boy that absolutely worships the ground I walk on and he is my best friend in the entire world. It is not such a step for us to date and eventually get married. I do love him very much.

Life would certainly be easier on the straight side. Small town East Texas doesn't exactly promote homosexuality - even in cute little blonde girls. Plus, finding the right girl is like finding a needle in the haystack. A haystack that is needle resistant. Only a handful of us cutie little lesbians live out here in the country.

Well, that's my thing for tonight. MAybe I'm secretly straight and just to blinded by girls to realize it? Give me a few days and I'll give it atry - if my love life doesn't improve.

Toodles

Tuesday, December 14, 2004

Epiphany

There is a time in life when we know some things better than we know others. A time when some things are crystal clear yet others are as murky as can be. Knowledge remains a mystery to most, but a select few can call it their own precious gift. My knowledge is no where near as advanced as it should be and my emotions still run my life, yet I know when to back off.

Some times a friendship just cannot survive when those trying to make it work only restrict the growth. People will suffocate a friendship with fear of abandonment, they will not let it grow and blossom. They will keep it close to their hearts, never to see the light of day.

Knowing when to release the hold is the hardest chore of all. To know when it is time to give up the chase, to stop strangling the person you call your friend, is one of the most challenging parts. My heart reaches out to stop a torment of which I am the only source.

To end a pain, or at least lessen it, I now know what I must do. I will stop strangling a friendship in fear, and I will let it roam freely. In turn, it shall grow anew and, when the timing is right, be spectacular to our sight. I release my hold, I loosen the restraints…. I wish you only the best.

The Apocalypse is Neigh

The four signs of the Apocalypse have come. The world
is in entropy and cannot sustain itself much longer.


The assassination of fashion mogul Gianni Versace, father of all elegant fashion, in 1997, was the first sign. The second sign of the apocalypse was Anna Nicole Smith; enough said. The third sign that has come into reality was initial accessories. They blew up and everyone had to have one. They are an abomination to the fashion industry and the fashion Gods threw down their anger in flames.

The fourth and final sign that the world is ending, according to the girl by-laws that every true and perfect girl receives at her thirteenth birthday, was the shortage of Jimmy Choos at Bergdorf’s this Christmas.

The world is ending, and all of those owning Manolo Blahnik, Jimmy Choo, Versace, Gucci, or Prada will be taken from Earth to the Eternal Neiman Marcus in the sky by our messiah, Sarah Jessica Parker.

Saturday, December 11, 2004

NO OUTLET

OH MY GOSH! We sOoOoOoOoOo just stole a highway sign. A 'no outlet' sign. OH MY GOSH! I'm soOoOo going to jail. Me, Lenora, Dane, & O'Riley! We're so going to jail. OH MY GOSH. They do bad things to little girls liek mein jail.

*pouts*

No, it was the most fun I've had in a while. That's all. Lenora is down and we're going to jail.

Love y'all!

Friday, December 10, 2004

Stressed OUT!

You give and you give - and still they want more. Dragging their nails across your heart that has been bled dry looking for more sustaining liquids. Your heels are bleeding from their journey yet they beg you to walk on. The night is not done, even after all the work is finished. You slave away, putting forth the max effot and they squeeze you tighter, searching for more.

You start to believe it yourself. It is never enough - you are never good enough. You give and you give and it STILL IS NOT ENOUGH! Nothing left to bleed - nothing left to give. Still you try - the gashes on your sides are pinched, cups beneath you catch the droplets. YOu run yourself into the ground - ragged, jerky, spastic motions - unable to control those last few moments of sheer panic when you realize you are about to crash.

Then the silence. Blessed silence, keeping the peace. You close your eyes and go to sleep. Moments where the world has stopped and you are free to rest. But the second your eyes open and a new day has begun the hounding begins again.



It is never enough

Sunday, December 05, 2004

Poetry Cornor Vol... ?

Who knows what volume this is... I sure as heck don't! Anyway, here a few new additions to my folder on word.



Seeing what you are,
Knowing what you could be,
You are beautiful by far.
I wonder: could you ever love me?

Love is love is love.
Someone once said I think.
Nothing as amazingly perfect as love,
So wonderfully flawed and full of kinks.

Feeling the intense flaming fire.
Love’s tale-tell sign,
A burning desire.
I wonder: would you be mine?

I will cherish, like you should be;
For you are beautiful inside and out.
I will love you if you let me;
For you are beautiful without a doubt.



Burning New
Shackled shell,
Bleeding deep.
Drowning quarters.
Awoken pain,
Once thought dead.
Screaming truths,
I hear you.
Dusty pictures,
Bringing wounds resurfaced.
Blackened heart,
Burning new.
Pain spawns pain,
One love for another.
I watch you,
Watching me.
Claim innocence,
Blundering pretense.
Douse the flame,
Turn away.
Calm the waters,
Go to sleep.



Saturday, December 04, 2004

A Call to Arms!

Students Against Cats in Purses


Friday, December 3rd, 2004 a student of Bullard High School in Bullard, Texas brought a small kitten to school with her and kept it in her purse. The students at said high school were disgusted and immediately formed the group Students Against Cats in Purses. (SACP) There were protest signs made with crying cats drawn on them and the words 'pobre gato' written clearly next to SACP. However, the administration did not feel the students had the right to protest animal cruelty and tore the signs down from the walls, stairways, and bathroom stalls.

Also, the Spanish III teacher, Mrs. Hammock, was dubbed 'keeper of the cat' when it was her classroom the poor mistreated animal decided to escape from his prison in the shape of a purse. She will be the butt of many jokes for at least a week, but became the official sponsor for SACP's Bullard division. Laura Hunter, the freshman english teacher, called Mrs. Hammock from the phones on the wall used for classroom to classroom calls, and when the elderly woman answered, Laura meowed at her and hung up.

Unfortunately, Mrs. Hammock is old, and grumpy. She swore up and down that she heard and recognized an innocent students voice meowing at her. Who is this innocent student, you ask? None other than me. While I would love to take credit for such an idea, it was not mine and therefore not worth attending SAC over. Secondary Assignment Centre - where the bad kids go. I am not now, nor have I ever been a bad kid.

Yes, I protested animal cruelty with my peers, is that wrong? The girl brought a cat to school and KEPT IT IN HER PURSE! So, this is my call to arms... Students, adults, moms, dads, grandmothers - UNITE! Students Against Cats in Purses is a worthwhile organization. It will soon become a branch of People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals (PETA) and deserves to be recognized.

Wednesday, December 01, 2004

Morning Y'all

Ugh. It's early morning here in Texas and a stunning 32 degrees. I feel like I've stepped into a... well a machine that transports you to a climate unlike the one you are used to. I'm tired and a lot is on my mind besides Sci-Fi words.

In explaination, yes, Bianca and Riley fit in with Buffy the Vampire Slayer. They are apart of a game on Greatest Journal called Slay Roswell. It takes characters from Buffy and characters from Roswell and makes a big salad out of 'em. It's a lot of fun.

I've had a lot on my mind recently. Love and what it means and how to get over it. And, do you really want to get over it? Who knows, right? *sigh* For now, I'll just take what comfort I can get, no expectations... Nothing like that. All I know - I'm fuckin' crazy! (tehe - I sid a bad word! *blush*)

I'll try and have more writing up soon. It's stressful here... Very stressful. Toodles